OLDEST PROFESSION

my therapist says i have to be nice to squirrels... so hello. @Banff_Squirrelless than a minute ago via web Favorite Retweet ReplySamuel Clemons
Samuel_Clemons

IT'S A TRAP!

Why don't more people recognise that modern "psychology" is pseudoscientific rubbish designed to manipulate the population? Haven't you found it suspicious that 9 out of 10 "mental health professionals" don't find anything objectionable about the way that Squirrels are allowed to roam free on public grounds?

Not only is it allowing those furry little miscreants to pick pockets and run their con jobs unchecked, but it also promotes dangerous thinking that can only lead to anarchy!

The most infuriating part of it all is the sly little hints they keep leaving to show where they've exerted their influence. Why else do you think they call it going nuts?

WHY INDEED?

Why hasn't the EU thought of the EMU emu? A mascot that explains macroeconomic policy to diplomats?less than a minute ago via web Favorite Retweet ReplySalut Neko
salutneko

That's a great idea. While we're at it, why don't we use taxpayer funds to train sex offenders for new work as gynaecologists?

I'd take macroeconomic policy explanations from an Emu about as seriously as I'd take advice from a squirrel on staying sober.

RIPOFF ARTISTS

@RacistWallaby Actual Washington Post headline : Squirrels Refuse Medical Care http://tinyurl.com/297dgz8 (squirrels already high on PCB?)less than a minute ago via webDarryl Mason
DarrylMason

This was just a straight con job; I've seen it a hundred times.

You'll note that there were two squirrels in the area. When they spot a likely target, one of them gets "injured," and his accomplice rushes over and swears he saw the whole thing.

From that point on, it's just a straight shakedown. "Oi, I'm hurt, but I reckon we can settle this for a few dollars." For the right price, the "injured" squirrel and his partner can forget the whole thing ever happened.

The giveaway here is the way that the presence of the authorities suddenly healed them of their injuries. Mark my words: there's never any reason to trust a squirrel.

A PEOPLE'S POLITICIAN

@RacistWallaby well in that case I don't like squirrels!less than a minute ago via Twitter for BlackBerry®Malcolm Turnbull
TurnbullMalcolm

That's the kind of clear thinking I like to see in government!

True, he later issued an apology after he was pressured by vocal pro-squirrel activists, but I think we all know where his sympathies really lie.

I just regret that he ever had to apologize in the first place. I can’t help but feel partially responsible, since liberals in the Emu-controlled media were all too quick to accuse @TurnbullMalcolm of consorting with Wallaby supremacists.