Are you tired of being mistaken for some fluff-brained tree-cuddler who thinks that all God's creations are important?

Are you going to snap the next time someone gushes about how "cute" Wombats are, clearly turning a blind eye towards their proclivity for theft, swearing, and violence?

Do you want to avoid getting arrested for public nudity?

If you answered yes to all of these questions, I'd like to buy you a drink.

If you answered yes to any of these questions, I'd also like to direct your eye toward the latest development in fashion, Racist Wallaby Gear. The new Racist Wallaby Store offers top quality merchandise at prices an Echidna could afford — even after he's squandered his social assistance cheque on booze and streetwalking Pademelons.

Finally, people have a chance to display their superior taste in clothing and their soundness of opinion (vis-a-vis certain lesser species) at the same time. Just take a look at some of the exciting items in stock:

Racist Wallaby Shirt
Are you tired of bigotry? Are you sick of holier-than-thou Kangaroos trying to push you around? Now you can justify your bigotry and keep errant macropods in line whilst protecting your torso from paper cuts and gentle breezes AT THE SAME TIME!
Show the world that you, too, don't discriminate against Kangaroos unless they deserve it. (And Lord knows, they all deserve it.)
An economy version is also available.

Bandicoot Mug
Are you tired of Bandicoots and they way they carry on with their incessant scent marking? Now you can enjoy your favourite beverage whilst sticking it to the least-beloved member of the marsupial world! Note that if you buy it to show that you're "down" with Bandicoots (as I understand that the hip kids are saying these days), I will NOT be held responsible for the consequences!

Platypus Shirt "Isn't that just like a Platypus? Brings a knife to a gun fight." We all know that they can be a bit thick, so this fashionable tee shirt gets your message across by using pictures to spell out that profound truth first uttered by Sean Wallaby in The Untouchables. This stylish number makes the perfect addition to your wardrobe or a great gift for every brawling platypus you know. Or every platypus you know. Same difference, really.
An economy version is also available.

Wallaby Keychain
The wallaby: regal, graceful, and handsome. Now you can accessorize with the most attractive member of the macropod family, adding a touch of class to your car keys, house keys, or even the key to that storage locker you keep down at the bus station for more... personal items.
An economy version is also available.

All of these items can be purchased in AU$, or if you feel like playing with the exchange rate like some sort of tax-dodging Kookaburra, you can visit the U.S. store.

Assuming you haven't immediately rushed off to load up on fantastic Racist Wallaby gear (AND WHY HAVEN'T YOU?), I wanted to make one last point:

Despite any rumours you may have heard to the contrary, this has nothing to do with the events of last week. Nor is it related to a court-ordered repayment of damages after an unfortunate misunderstanding involving a case of expensive champagne, a swimming pool, and heavy construction equipment. My finances have never been more sound, and I am providing these items as a public service to you, the discriminating individual of above-average discernment and taste.