Saturday, June 25, 2011


my therapist says i have to be nice to squirrels... so hello. @Banff_Squirrelless than a minute ago via web Favorite Retweet Reply


Why don't more people recognise that modern "psychology" is pseudoscientific rubbish designed to manipulate the population? Haven't you found it suspicious that 9 out of 10 "mental health professionals" don't find anything objectionable about the way that Squirrels are allowed to roam free on public grounds?

Not only is it allowing those furry little miscreants to pick pockets and run their con jobs unchecked, but it also promotes dangerous thinking that can only lead to anarchy!

The most infuriating part of it all is the sly little hints they keep leaving to show where they've exerted their influence. Why else do you think they call it going nuts?

Friday, June 24, 2011


It appears as though you can't take a holiday in Britain anymore without being assaulted by a pack of ruffians.

On a recent outing, a Wallaby from Black Isle Wildlife Park had a run-in with some thugs:

He was treated for a cut to his nose inflicted during a run-in with a flock of sheep after jumping into a field.

He's on the mend now, but it sounds like it was tough going for a while. How much longer is parliament going to sit idly by while citizens are terrorized by the ovidian gangs roving the countryside with impunity?

Wednesday, June 22, 2011


@RacistWallaby So what is the race that you can tolerate the most? Who causes you the least consternation?less than a minute ago via web Favorite Retweet Reply

Wallabies, obviously.

Of course, you might hear a load of rubbish from some people who would suggest that I have an unhealthy fascination with Kangaroos, but it's a complete fabrication.

I think it's a misunderstanding based on one time last year when my account was hacked. I certainly don't visit Kangaroo-themed websites or place personals ads in the newspapers looking for anonymous Kangaroo hookups.

I don't do anything like that at all.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011


Sightseeing. There's no such thing as an "alligator snapping turtle," just a reptile that won't make up its mind. #WallabyRescueless than a minute ago via HootSuite Favorite Retweet Reply

That's my son's favorite turtle, he wants to know if they can be trained..sick 'em.. damn, too late.
less than a minute ago via web Favorite Retweet Reply

Oh, you want to know if they can be trained?

Well, I'll tell you that they've trained themselves to rush to the mailbox. There's nothing faster than a turtle zooming out to see if the post has brought his latest government assistance cheque.

The whole idea of turtles being slow-moving is rubbish. It's a rumour they started so that they aren't expected to hold a steady job! Instead, they get make-work assignments handed to them by employers looking to meet their diversity quotas.

Ask a turtle to do any sort of task for you, and they'll do it as slowly as possible just to make sure you don't ask him a second time.

Don't let them get away with it! I've seen them having footraces, dancing the hustle, and even playing tennis when they're off the clock and they think no one's looking. The only way we can get this sort of nonsense to stop is to hold them accountable.

Thursday, June 9, 2011


#qanda hyenas are silly...haven't you seen the Lion King?less than a minute ago via Twitter for iPhone Favorite Retweet Reply

While we're on the subject of things that get right up my nose, that film has to be the most blatant piece of feline propaganda ever committed to film.

Granted, the Hyena complaints that they received a rough treatment at the hands of the scriptwriters are baseless rubbish — it's one of the most accurate portrayals you'll find — but the blatant glorification of the feline lifestyle and the suggestion that a bunch of overweight, flea-bitten tabbies with thyroid problems are some sort of savannah royalty is the most absurd nonsense in the history of western civilization.

And before you ask, this has nothing to do with the fact that I auditioned for the role of Simba. I was a natural for the part, but apparently the Horse bankers that control the purse strings and call the shots in Hollywood weren't ready for the gritty realism of my performance. Even though their shameless pursuit of the lowest common (feline) denominator's money has betrayed artistic realism, I can still condemn the film on an objective basis.

Tuesday, June 7, 2011


@RacistWallaby i've been wondering about your position on cane toads, feral cats etc, coming in, acting like they own the place. urthboyless than a minute ago via Twitter for iPhone Favorite Retweet Reply

You know, I deliberately try not to have an opinion on the various invasive fauna that have come with outstretched hands looking to steal away the glorious land of our forefathers. My doctor has advised against it, seeing as it does my blood pressure no good at all (and unlike some of my Kangaroo brethren, I've no desire to suckle the Medicare teat dry through expensive treatments).

From the Cane Toad "anchor babies" (if I may borrow an American term) to Feral Cat pensioners demanding a government handout for a few minutes' worth of work they performed back in 1982, every part of their life cycles are a drain on Australia's resources, forcing honest citizens to work harder for fewer benefits.

If I had to single out a particular species that has done the most damage, I'd have to name feral pigs as the number one menace to the national economy. First they steal jobs by demanding that they be brought in as diversity hires, and then they spend all their time hiding behind workplace safety requirements, rorting the system so that they don't have to perform any actual labour. Who knows how much could have been accomplished if those jobs were given to people actually willing to work for a living?

And if they're strutting about like they own the place, it's because they do. Possession is nine tenths of the law, after all, and they've stolen it from us fair and square.