Tuesday, October 19, 2010


WELLINGTON (AFP) – An angry sea lion attacked a rowing boat in New Zealand's Otago Harbour, cracking the 40,000 dollar (30,000 US) vessel's hull, it was reported Thursday.

Sometimes, I think the news takes things too far in its quest to remain "impartial." Anyone can see what was really going on here.

It was drug-related.

I'm not saying that the sea lion was on drugs (because that would be redundant), I'm saying that this was about who had the right to sell drugs in the area. The Otago Peninsula is a particularly lucrative region for trade in illicit substances, with an abundance of clients that include the royal albatross, the yellow-eyed penguin (care to guess how its eyes got that way?), and assorted seals with their notorious appetites.

Sea lion cartels have controlled sales in the area for quite some time, and take a dim view of anyone challenging their monopoly.

"I saw this dark figure looming under the boat. I felt it hit and, seconds after, water came gushing up... it was panic stations," rower Matt Smail told the Otago Daily Times.

A word to the wise if you're going to be rowing in Otago Harbour: try not to look like a drug dealer. Sea lions don't take kindly to competition.


Anonymous said...

I'm afraid you have it all wrong. It was a case of real NZ action against boat people! Kiwi Sea Lions are very jealous of their borders!

Racist Wallaby said...

Typical of a Sea Lion to choose the "solution" that causes more problems. Once you destroy their boats, how do you expect the boat people to leave?