LESSONS LEARNT

Do not waste a duck's time with your yellow corn tortillas. #ThingsILearnedThisMorningless than a minute ago via Twitter for iPhone Favorite Retweet Replykat
bureaukat

You'd be hard-pressed to find a more ungrateful bastard than a duck queued up for a handout. As though charity is a god-given right! They're the first in line to collect assistance, and the first to complain about its "inadequacy," as well.

And what do they do with the public's largesse?

Duck parents are worthless. #ThingsILearnedThisMorningless than a minute ago via Twitter for iPhone Favorite Retweet Replykat
bureaukat

That's right, they waste it all on plasma TVs and Winnie Blues. But it's not like their children need to be looked after.

Baby ducks are fighters! (?) #ThingsILearnedThisMorningless than a minute ago via Twitter for iPhone Favorite Retweet Replykat
bureaukat

Baby ducks (or "ducklings," in the Queen's English) are some of the most brutal, bloodthirsty ruffians on the planet.

ADMISSION OF GUILT

Nah. I was out for blood. #wouldveduffedupthenoisybastard RT @AcerbicLemon: The duck just wants to play! http://tiny.cc/58i1hless than a minute ago via TweetDeck Favorite Retweet ReplyWhistlingduck
whistlingduck

I knew it! Video evidence such as this can be ambiguous at times, so it's always good to have independent confirmation of the ruffian's motives.



I don't know why it so often seems acceptable to use Twitter as a medium for bullying and violent threats, but you can be sure that I'm taking it all down in case I need to provide evidence in court later.

EMU ROUNDUP

Dear Duck, Remember that one night in Vegas? You have a son... His name is platypus Sincerely, Beaver.less than a minute ago via Twuffer Favorite Retweet Replyf r e d d y
FreddyAmazin

[UPDATE: Bloody hell, they're all stolen. Even this one was swiped from earlier tweets. I TRUSTED YOU, @FreddyAmazin!]

Well, someone clearly has their finger on the pulse of popular culture.

I would have thought that the wanton indiscretions of Ducks, Beavers, and their degenerate Platypus offspring were common knowledge by now, and yet everyone has taken to re-tweeting this as though it was the latest breakthrough in evolutionary science.

I suppose that one positive result stemming from this onslaught of miscegenation trivia is that the latest round of Emus have come out of the woodwork to try and pass this tweet off as their own. Now I've got a some new names to add to my handy list of who to block:

Dear Duck, Remember that one night in Vegas? You have a son... His name is platypus Sincerely, Beaver.less than a minute ago via Twitter for iPhone Favorite Retweet Replyramzy richardson
ramzy07

Dear Duck, Remember that one night in Vegas? You have a son... His name is platypus Sincerely, Beaver.less than a minute ago via txt Favorite Retweet ReplyJermaine Bradley
TMSMaine_

Dear Duck, Remember that one night in Vegas? You have a son... His name is platypus Sincerely, Beaver.less than a minute ago via ÜberSocial Favorite Retweet ReplyAshley
AeshaInuwa

Dear Duck, Remember that one night in Vegas? You have a son... His name is platypus Sincerely, Beaver."less than a minute ago via Twitter for Android Favorite Retweet Replymynameispedro
rapbadbongiz

Dear Duck, Remember that one night in Vegas? You have a son... His name is platypus Sincerely, Beaver.less than a minute ago via Twitter for iPhone Favorite Retweet ReplyNathan Rush
nathanaelred

Dear Duck, Remember that one night in Vegas? You have a son... His name is platypus Sincerely, Beaver.less than a minute ago via twicca Favorite Retweet ReplyMichelle Zamora
aznbeezie