PROPAGANDA

#qanda hyenas are silly...haven't you seen the Lion King?less than a minute ago via Twitter for iPhone Favorite Retweet Replyruth allen
ours_de_panda

While we're on the subject of things that get right up my nose, that film has to be the most blatant piece of feline propaganda ever committed to film.

Granted, the Hyena complaints that they received a rough treatment at the hands of the scriptwriters are baseless rubbish — it's one of the most accurate portrayals you'll find — but the blatant glorification of the feline lifestyle and the suggestion that a bunch of overweight, flea-bitten tabbies with thyroid problems are some sort of savannah royalty is the most absurd nonsense in the history of western civilization.

And before you ask, this has nothing to do with the fact that I auditioned for the role of Simba. I was a natural for the part, but apparently the Horse bankers that control the purse strings and call the shots in Hollywood weren't ready for the gritty realism of my performance. Even though their shameless pursuit of the lowest common (feline) denominator's money has betrayed artistic realism, I can still condemn the film on an objective basis.

HARDLY

@paddybts @RacistWallaby A seeing eye wombat would be great on crowded city footpaths.less than a minute ago via webern malleys cat
ernmalleyscat

Great for dragging you into every bar, brothel, and other den of vice within walking distance, you mean! The only direction that a Wombat will lead you in is one that goes down the path to liver failure, poverty, and venereal disease.

However, there may be something to the idea of using animals besides dogs for assistance. I understand that they're giving seeing eye ponies a go, with mixed results.

I haven't always been a fan of horses, and still maintain that they're as lazy as the day is long, but it might remind some of the more irresponsible seeing eye dogs that they're easily replaceable, and that they'd better watch their step if they know what's good for 'em.

SUPERNATURAL

It's just like those horses to take a story about the time they were too lazy to do their jobs properly and craft it into a legend. Have a look at The Legend of Macha:

This legend consists of a woman of unknown origin, most likely divine, who marries a widower, Crunniuc. She is a skilled runner, and her husband brags to the king, Conchobor, that she can outrun his horses.

Irritated by his boasting, the king forces Macha to race his horses, even though she is very pregnant, close to giving birth. She pleads for a postponement of the bet, but the king will not concede. She races and ends up outrunning the king's horses.

These horses were responsible for pulling the king's chariot. There's a job that could have been done by any number of suitable quadrupeds — bears, sheep, even some especially determined hedgehogs — and instead it goes to horses, because of patronage and racial bias. I reckon they got the job because their fathers were horses.

And do those horses actually use this opportunity to earn an honest living? No. They bludge about while some banged-up sheila carrying twins shames them in a humiliating public defeat.

After a spectacle like that, only horses would have the gall to mosey back to the king's stables and live out the rest of their lives gorging themselves at the government's trough. It wasn't their fault, see? It was magic what did them in.