PROPAGANDA

#qanda hyenas are silly...haven't you seen the Lion King?less than a minute ago via Twitter for iPhone Favorite Retweet Replyruth allen
ours_de_panda

While we're on the subject of things that get right up my nose, that film has to be the most blatant piece of feline propaganda ever committed to film.

Granted, the Hyena complaints that they received a rough treatment at the hands of the scriptwriters are baseless rubbish — it's one of the most accurate portrayals you'll find — but the blatant glorification of the feline lifestyle and the suggestion that a bunch of overweight, flea-bitten tabbies with thyroid problems are some sort of savannah royalty is the most absurd nonsense in the history of western civilization.

And before you ask, this has nothing to do with the fact that I auditioned for the role of Simba. I was a natural for the part, but apparently the Horse bankers that control the purse strings and call the shots in Hollywood weren't ready for the gritty realism of my performance. Even though their shameless pursuit of the lowest common (feline) denominator's money has betrayed artistic realism, I can still condemn the film on an objective basis.

FERAL POSITION

@RacistWallaby i've been wondering about your position on cane toads, feral cats etc, coming in, acting like they own the place. urthboyless than a minute ago via Twitter for iPhone Favorite Retweet ReplyUrthboy
urthboy

You know, I deliberately try not to have an opinion on the various invasive fauna that have come with outstretched hands looking to steal away the glorious land of our forefathers. My doctor has advised against it, seeing as it does my blood pressure no good at all (and unlike some of my Kangaroo brethren, I've no desire to suckle the Medicare teat dry through expensive treatments).

From the Cane Toad "anchor babies" (if I may borrow an American term) to Feral Cat pensioners demanding a government handout for a few minutes' worth of work they performed back in 1982, every part of their life cycles are a drain on Australia's resources, forcing honest citizens to work harder for fewer benefits.

If I had to single out a particular species that has done the most damage, I'd have to name feral pigs as the number one menace to the national economy. First they steal jobs by demanding that they be brought in as diversity hires, and then they spend all their time hiding behind workplace safety requirements, rorting the system so that they don't have to perform any actual labour. Who knows how much could have been accomplished if those jobs were given to people actually willing to work for a living?

And if they're strutting about like they own the place, it's because they do. Possession is nine tenths of the law, after all, and they've stolen it from us fair and square.

EXPECTED

Fuck yeah! http://t.co/hYKKEF6 via @youtubeless than a minute ago via Tweet ButtonAndy Richter
Richter_Andy

Why am I not surprised that when you have sloth, exploitation, and cruelty involved in a YouTube video, one of the subjects is a cat?

TEASE

Cats in prison. Amazing. http://bit.ly/bxiilG (via @duncangeere)less than a minute ago via TweetDeckTom Royal
tomroyal

Such a swirl of emotions surrounding this story: Elation, disappointment, resignation.

Like me, I'm sure you got very excited to hear that the justice system has finally decided to put a stop to the lawless hordes of rampaging cats that have held society hostage for too long.

That excitement quickly gives way to disappointment once you realize that it's not about cats who are serving sentences in prison, it's about cats who are keeping inmates company.

That's right, cats will continue to enjoy their immunity from criminal prosecution, but even if they did start getting equal treatment in the eyes of the law, would it really make a difference?

Science has proven that cats completely lack anything resembling empathy, and even the incarceration of their peers would not serve as a deterrent or "scare them straight." We would just be housing and feeding them at the taxpayer's expense (not that different from current arrangements, except the burden of upkeep is shifted from one individual to society as a whole).

No, there's only one way to deal with criminal felines.

Deportation.