Thursday, February 10, 2011


So, I heard that the alternative cuts from the alternative government on the alternative budget are going to scrap free meth for unicorns!less than a minute ago via TweetDeck

@Pollytics That's only going to result in more crime committed by unicorns in our communities. Insanity.less than a minute ago via web

I know I've just been talking about the havoc that meth-addicted foxes can cause in a community, but in light of the comments above, I cannot state this emphatically enough:

No decent Australian can support a program that provides meth to Unicorns.

Full stop.

Yes, there are few things on this earth more menacing than Unicorns on withdrawal, all flashing hooves and sparkling horns willing to carve you up for drug money, but you need to look at the big picture. After all, they've no incentive to clean up their sordid lifestyle if we willingly continue to enable them.

Naturally, ending the programme would lead to a short-term spike in violent crimes as the Unicorns' desperation drove them to extraordinary measures, but over time the casual meth users would straighten up or die off. Ultimately, the worst threats and heaviest users would be concentrated in the Unicorn slums, and no one in their right mind goes there anyway.

The rumourmongers would scare you with tales of wild-eyed Unicorn addicts roving the streets in search of a fix, but it's all smoke and mirrors to distract taxpayers from the fact that they are being forced to shoulder the burden of ridiculous equine subsidies. I have just one question for those who would claim that they are afraid of being mugged in dark alleys:

What are you doing in dark alleys in the first place?

Everyone knows that the hottest action is found in the public toilets.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I note the lack of publicity given to the platypus-run poppy farms!