FRAME UP

.@RacistWallaby Met some of yr degenerate relatives last week. Look at this one, only a joey but already into mushrooms http://goo.gl/SN8yhless than a minute ago via web Favorite Retweet ReplyDarryl Mason
DarrylMason

Rubbish!

Not only do I have it on good authority that the photo to which you refer has been doctored beyond all recognition, but I am personally acquainted with the Wallaby involved. He's a smart joey from a good family who would never be involved in something as sordid as drug use.

The very suggestion is preposterous.

Furthermore, I know for a fact that those mushrooms are completely benign! Too bloody benign, considering how much I paid that Platypus for them.

The next time you're looking to manufacture a scandal, sir, I suggest that you leave Wallabies out of it.

FREE METH

So, I heard that the alternative cuts from the alternative government on the alternative budget are going to scrap free meth for unicorns!less than a minute ago via TweetDeckPossum Comitatus
Pollytics

@Pollytics That's only going to result in more crime committed by unicorns in our communities. Insanity.less than a minute ago via webJarrad Robb
jrrdrbb

I know I've just been talking about the havoc that meth-addicted foxes can cause in a community, but in light of the comments above, I cannot state this emphatically enough:

No decent Australian can support a program that provides meth to Unicorns.

Full stop.

Yes, there are few things on this earth more menacing than Unicorns on withdrawal, all flashing hooves and sparkling horns willing to carve you up for drug money, but you need to look at the big picture. After all, they've no incentive to clean up their sordid lifestyle if we willingly continue to enable them.

Naturally, ending the programme would lead to a short-term spike in violent crimes as the Unicorns' desperation drove them to extraordinary measures, but over time the casual meth users would straighten up or die off. Ultimately, the worst threats and heaviest users would be concentrated in the Unicorn slums, and no one in their right mind goes there anyway.

The rumourmongers would scare you with tales of wild-eyed Unicorn addicts roving the streets in search of a fix, but it's all smoke and mirrors to distract taxpayers from the fact that they are being forced to shoulder the burden of ridiculous equine subsidies. I have just one question for those who would claim that they are afraid of being mugged in dark alleys:

What are you doing in dark alleys in the first place?

Everyone knows that the hottest action is found in the public toilets.

OBVIOUS FALSEHOOD

“@HuffPostGreen: Drunk owl taken in by police http://huff.to/dSSCdt” Will we see his mugshot at @hungoverowls?less than a minute ago via Twitter for iPhoneBarbara
helpanelephant

As far as I'm concerned, this is a complete non-story. Owls are drunk? What next, reports that the sun rises in East? That the tide came in?

If you ask me, the important part of the article is its insistence on repeating the myth about Wallabies getting high on opium poppies. I would hardly take one or two anecdotal stories as empirical scientific data showing a regular pattern. Why does the mainstream media insist on persecuting Wallabies?

I'm sure that former governor of Alaska and one-time vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin knows exactly what I'm talking about when I say that this is a blatant case of poppy libel.

MOTIVATED

Thank God we don't give those Russian Quokkas tourist visas. http://tinyurl.com/4lx2xv6less than a minute ago via webpaddy bts
paddybts

The accompanying video almost says it all:



What they didn't mention, and really need to disclose, is that they aren't that aggressive all the time.

Only when they're defending their meth labs.

FUTILITY

Trying to explain to Lil that 'numbat' and 'wombat' are different words and different animals...less than a minute ago via Twitter for iPhoneKate
thepurple8

Talk about a thankless job! Sure, you could explain how Wombats and Numbats are different, but it's not like you can trust either of them with your car keys.

Fine, the two have different diets. Well, I can tell you firsthand that they have similar appetites for malt liquor and methamphetamines!

The only real difference is that the nocturnal one breaks into your house while you're asleep, and the diurnal one waits until you've left for work.

So you could explain that they're separate animals, but why bother? Once you're done, can you really say you've made the world a better place?

NONSENSE

@indiaknight Incense = eucalyptus. Koalas not v. bright either. Especially weak at metaphysical reasoning.less than a minute ago via webmcckate
mcckate

Most Koala talk is rubbish, but it crosses over into a whole new realm of nonsensical gibberish when they start going on about their spirituality.

If you've never had the misfortune of having a Koala offer to "re-align your chakras," "smooth out your energy flow," or sat through one of their lectures on spiritual oneness and the inherent divinity present in all of us, consider yourself lucky.

What really makes me angry is the number of Koalas who have decided that they can make a living from it, spruiking crystals, candles, and all manner of nonsense that they expect us to pay hard-earned dollars for.

Getting stoned out of your mind on eucalyptus and telling people to "chill out" is not a valid career choice!

It's well past time the Australian Competition and Consumer Commission looked into them.

VALUE

Property Prices in Perth fall - and more reductions in property values are predicted.... http://fb.me/O3mtjj0Vless than a minute ago via Facebookabcmidwestwa
abcmidwestwa

There's a lot of rubbish speculation about what's happening in Perth's property market.

Perth's median house price fell five per cent in seasonally adjusted terms to $480,000 in September.

The fall makes Perth the country's weakest performing capital city market.

People are spouting all sorts of mumbo jumbo about uncertainty over the mining tax, cautious first-time home buyers, and "market corrections" causing the decline, but you know what the real cause is?

Numbats.

Once Numbats moved into the neighbourhood, everything went downhill. Crime rates soared--with a marked increase in incidents of vandalism--and previously honest, respectable neighbourhoods were overrun with drug use, loud music, and kids refusing to respect their elders.

Say what you want about investors waiting to see if the market softens further, but if potential buyers drive into a neighbourhood and see Numbats leaving their washing out to dry in full public view, letting their children run amok to scatter toys across the front lawns, and loitering in the streets, they'll keep on driving.

Am I wrong about this? Maybe it's just me, but I can't imagine anyone having a worse effect on property values than Numbats.

FOR THEIR OWN GOOD

ping @RacistWallaby RT @andyblume: LOL of the day: http://bit.ly/9ZdKjAless than a minute ago via Osfoora for iPhoneEvan Exsuburbia
Captainsuburbia

When will the authorities realize that tougher legislation is needed to keep Emus in line? I'm not biased against Emus, but they need stronger laws in place for their own protection.

Look at what happens when they're allowed out unsupervised.

A rampant emu chased children and reportedly reached speeds of 30kmh after it escaped from a farm in the Marlborough Sounds on Saturday.

You read that right, it was rampant. Rampant!

You might be inclined to dismiss the report as another "errant livestock causes fuss" article, but ask yourself why it was running so fast. The answer? Drugs, obviously.

Unsupervised Emus have proven time and time again that when left to their own devices, they engage in risky behaviour like recreational drug use, and I'm not even going to mention the carnal designs it most likely had in mind when it started running after those children.

They just can't be trusted. Something should be done.

FLIMSY EXCUSES

[Top Story] Climate Change Blurring Definition of Native Species: As climate change alters ecosystems, scientists ... http://bit.ly/cAHD6Bless than a minute ago via twitterfeedWired Magazine
wiredmag

Freeloading squatters are using "Climate Change" as a handy excuse to laze about where they're not wanted, more like!

None of us are very happy with climate change. We're all dealing with uncomfortable temperatures and freak storms, but I'm not trying to move into their backyard, so these other species should stay the bloody hell out of mine.

And before you accuse me of being close-minded or selfish, I'd like to point out that Wired agrees with me completely:

"Each new immigrant has the potential to radically change the neighborhood — welcoming an influx of new predators and parasites, altering soil nutrients and porosity, even changing the amount of moisture and sunlight that reaches ground dwellers."_{(Slight emphasis added)}

Now, I can see where some of the Kookaburras in my neighbourhood acting like total slobs might give some people a false impression, but the fact is that we aren't looking for any newcomers, especially when they won't respect the character of the place we've worked so hard to develop.

The last thing we need is an influx of Bison with their gang violence, Pandas and their drug culture, or Polar Bears and their reckless, inattentive driving. I'm sure @Ern Malley's Cat will agree with me when I say emphatically:

"Shove off and find someplace else. We were here first."

IRISH OUTRAGE

First, I'm in a state over the way that the Irish press favours lurid headlines over actual fact-based reporting, as is evident from their coverage of the "Wallaby Dies After Being Plied with Ecstasy and Drink at Birthday Disco" story:

"Orla Aungier, [Dublin Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals] DSPCA operations manager, said the marsupial was more likely a wallaby than a small kangaroo, because they are easier to buy in Ireland.

'At some point during the party, what we believe to be a wallaby was brought on to the dance floor and it was being handled as Skippy The Bush Kangaroo was played loud as the back track,' she said."

The whole thing is a tangled mess of allegations and scandal leaving me unsure of what to think, since all the Garda have to go on at the moment is some CCTV footage and a Facebook video—no body, and no evidence of drug abuse beyond some unidentified witness accounts that sound more like rumour. Although they have made great strides in eradicating racism in that country, it becomes a bit of a thorny problem when race is actually a relevant issue.

Maybe it was a Kangaroo after all. This kind of irresponsible carousing and drug-related overdosing is exactly what I'd expect from one of them.

What makes my blood run cold is the possibility that it was actually a Wallaby involved. Having a drink or two with your new marsupial friend is one thing, but manhandling him to the tune of "Skippy the Bush Kangaroo"? That's monstrous, and inhuman. That's the real issue here: not drugs, not alcohol, but the wilful and negligent emotional damage inflicted on this innocent Wallaby by deliberately drawing the comparison with a Kangaroo.

If this was indeed a Wallaby at the disco, I'm sure that everyone will agree with me when I say that the Garda need to use the video evidence in their possession to track down the responsible parties and prosecute them to the fullest extent of the law. Honestly, I'd turn a blind eye if they chose to take things a few metres beyond the law, if you follow me.

If it was a Kangaroo—well, this is the part where I'm supposed to say that we should pray it gets the kind of substance abuse intervention that it needs to become a productive member of society once again, but we all know that some of society's basest elements are beyond help.