Thursday, February 24, 2011


Bah! The flood story is shameless Dove propaganda RT @firstdogonmoon may 21 is 7000 years since the noah's ark thingless than a minute ago via HootSuite

@RacistWallaby @firstdogonmoon Shameless dove scum. They are still spreading olives in the Adelaide hills too.less than a minute ago via web

@RacistWallaby That was nice of you to capitalize the "d" in dove. Secretly, do you like doves?less than a minute ago via web

Putting aside the debate over whether or not the events described in the bible actually happened, I think we can safely single out the flood and the story of Noah's Ark as highly suspect.

Do you expect me to believe that you could put two of every kind of animal on a boat for 40 days and 40 nights and have anything other than a royal mess by the end of it?

  • Everyone would start to notice an epidemic of petty thefts by the second day, although they wouldn't know to blame the Quolls until the following week.

  • On day six, the Dingos would be rail-thin and shaking as they went into heroin withdrawal.

  • Two weeks in, there would be a colossal row as the Ostrich, Kookaburra, and Echidna ladies were found to be laying suspiciously Bandicoot-shaped eggs.

  • The Sea Lion would need to be given a series of progressively more stern talkings-to each time he was caught spying in the public toilets.

  • Potoroos would quickly set up a still in one of the cargo holds, which would have to be shut down after inadvertently poisoning half the crew.

  • On the subject of the ship's crew, the Wombats and Kangaroos would be asked to pitch in and man the rigging, only to quit an hour into their shift, complaining of assorted back problems and demanding disability payments for sustaining injuries in the line of duty.

  • And don't even get me started on the filth in which the Platypus couple would be living. By the end of the trip, their quarters would be positively squalid.

And who was responsible for this pack of lies masquerading as a feel-good story about interspecies cooperation? The same feathered vermin that portray themselves as the great heroes of the story, delivering word of dry land at the end of the ordeal. The Doves.

The whole thing was probably an elaborate ruse that they cooked up so they could sell timeshares on any one of the vast number of spots described as the "final" resting place of the ark.

Don't trust Doves. I never have, and I never will.

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