PLOTS

Dear ASIS, MI6, and CIA,

Something dodgy is going on. Go and search Twitter for the word "wallaby."

Notice something? There is always, always at least one "P. Sherman 42 Wallaby Way Sydney" tweet showing up in the results. And do you know why?

Terrorists.

I'm sure that smart lads such as yourselves can suss out what's happening here. It may be a line from some children's movie (that I didn't much care for), but it's being used as a way for terrorists to "ping" each other and coordinate their attacks. And I'm pretty sure those terrorists are Kangaroos.

Why? Jealousy.

Kangaroos have always been jealous of the way that Wallabies are widely known as the smarter, faster, more handsome infraclass, making their larger, slower Kangaroo cousins look like oafs by comparison. Associating our good name with their terror plot allows them to further their pro-Kangaroo agenda at the expense of our reputation.

The next step is obvious. Gentlemen, I'm calling for mass arrests, detainment, and the thorough interrogation of any Kangaroo who looks suspicious. Don't say you haven't been warned.

Sincerely,
RW