FITTING ENDS

Hey @RacistWallaby Your opinion of Koalas, please?less than a minute ago via TweetDeck Favorite Retweet ReplyWolfie Rankin
Wolfie_Rankin

I'd be happy to give you an earful about Koalas--the problem is figuring out where to start!

For one thing, their shoddy attempt at re-branding by calling themselves Koala BEARS is complete rubbish. They're just linking themselves to a gang of embezzlers, fraudsters, and tax cheats. As if they had the work ethic!

The idea of a "Koala bear" actually being related to bears is as preposterous and fictional as those stories about Pademelons who'd rather be working at real jobs instead of cashing their unemployment assistance cheques.

Then there's the drug abuse. If you can show me a Koala that isn't stoned out of its mind for more than five minutes on any given day, I'll show you... Well, I'd be able to show you a unicorn and a cane toad with a valid guest worker permit, since you've obviously opened some sort of portal to a land full of mythical creatures.

And I'd be remiss if I didn't mention the rampant Chlamydia that is killing them off. I've got mixed feelings on this one; obviously I don't harbour enough ill will towards Koalas to wish them dead, but my hands are tied: the Pope has given some very clear guidance on whether it is acceptable to use condoms for the prevention of sexually transmitted diseases.

Until they're willing to give up their depraved and hedonistic lifestyle, Koalas will just have to suffer God's punishment.

PROOF POSITIVE

@MisterShuffles I am going to hurt you. Bad.less than a minute ago via Seesmic DesktopTeddyFail
TeddyFail

I have long accused bears of being both violent and stupid, but I never expected to see the supporting evidence for my case presented so neatly.

Violent? I think that issuing threats via Twitter fits that description.

Stupid? You tell me if a stuffed teddy trying to pick a fight with an elephant sounds like the idea borne of a fully competent mind.

I know that some of you will attempt to argue that one stuffed bear does not represent an entire species, and of you I ask: who has stepped forward to denounce this statement?

Where are the bear spokespersons issuing apologies to @mistershuffles and denouncing TeddyFail as a dangerously unhinged psychopath?

Their silence betrays their complicity.

BRAZEN

Time to poach someone else's ideas for my own glorification. That's right - bears aren't always original but they are the best.less than a minute ago via webBhalu the Bear
bhalu

There's not much I can say, really.

Brazen plagiarism matched with overblown vanity? Considering that it's coming from a bear, you really shouldn't be surprised.