Thursday, May 5, 2011


Hey @RacistWallaby Your opinion of Koalas, please?less than a minute ago via TweetDeck Favorite Retweet Reply

I'd be happy to give you an earful about Koalas--the problem is figuring out where to start!

For one thing, their shoddy attempt at re-branding by calling themselves Koala BEARS is complete rubbish. They're just linking themselves to a gang of embezzlers, fraudsters, and tax cheats. As if they had the work ethic!

The idea of a "Koala bear" actually being related to bears is as preposterous and fictional as those stories about Pademelons who'd rather be working at real jobs instead of cashing their unemployment assistance cheques.

Then there's the drug abuse. If you can show me a Koala that isn't stoned out of its mind for more than five minutes on any given day, I'll show you... Well, I'd be able to show you a unicorn and a cane toad with a valid guest worker permit, since you've obviously opened some sort of portal to a land full of mythical creatures.

And I'd be remiss if I didn't mention the rampant Chlamydia that is killing them off. I've got mixed feelings on this one; obviously I don't harbour enough ill will towards Koalas to wish them dead, but my hands are tied: the Pope has given some very clear guidance on whether it is acceptable to use condoms for the prevention of sexually transmitted diseases.

Until they're willing to give up their depraved and hedonistic lifestyle, Koalas will just have to suffer God's punishment.

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