PROOF POSITIVE

@MisterShuffles I am going to hurt you. Bad.less than a minute ago via Seesmic DesktopTeddyFail
TeddyFail

I have long accused bears of being both violent and stupid, but I never expected to see the supporting evidence for my case presented so neatly.

Violent? I think that issuing threats via Twitter fits that description.

Stupid? You tell me if a stuffed teddy trying to pick a fight with an elephant sounds like the idea borne of a fully competent mind.

I know that some of you will attempt to argue that one stuffed bear does not represent an entire species, and of you I ask: who has stepped forward to denounce this statement?

Where are the bear spokespersons issuing apologies to @mistershuffles and denouncing TeddyFail as a dangerously unhinged psychopath?

Their silence betrays their complicity.

SHAMELESS

Now I can't go to sleep! I'm afraid of being attacked in the night by a bum-faced gibbon!less than a minute ago via webMr Shuffles
MisterShuffles

Nothing could possibly be more redundant than the phrase "bum-faced gibbon," but I think that @MisterShuffles still makes a valid point.

Gibbons are nothing more than graceless thugs who traffic in threats and intimidation. Worse yet, they delight in picking on the weak and vulnerable.

Imagine, scaring a defenceless Elephant like that. Don't they know that Elephants are already half afraid of their own shadows? Scaring them is like kicking the crutches out from under an invalid. Funny for a moment, but then the complaint letters start rolling in.

STABBED IN THE BACK

@ClimateElephant If I win you have a standing invitation to come to meet with me in Parliament House for a chat and a cuddle. JG #ausvotesless than a minute ago via Twitter for iPhoneJulia Gillard
JuliaGillard

I'm as shocked to read that as you are, I'm sure.

Honestly, I thought she was keeping silent on the Dugong issue to avoid problems like the ones @TurnbullMalcolm encountered when he dared to give an honest opinion about squirrels. At the very least, I thought she'd try to maintain impartiality given her position, and here she is consorting with an Elephant. Shocking.

Mind you, it's not the climate change message I'm opposed to. I'd be right there giving them my full support if they had gone with a climate change Wallaby.

No, I'm upset that this message is being relayed by an lephant, some of the most notorious scolds imaginable. It's true, they never forget, and they never let you forget, either. Did something silly once upon a time, when you were having a night out with the lads? Maybe you'd forgotten about it, but there's always an Elephant lurking around the corner, just waiting for a chance to remind you.

SHUFFLES FOR PM

#FF Look, when @mistershuffles becomes Prime Minister, I think we will all agree that racism in this country is over.less than a minute ago via HootSuiteRacist Wallaby
RacistWallaby

Shuffles for PM! That’s my opinion, if you were wondering.

Incidentally, I am shocked and disappointed to hear the rumours that I am only endorsing @MisterShuffles because my position as foreign minister in his cabinet would give me sweeping powers to crack down on Gibbons and other undesirables.

So shocked, in fact, that I shall decline to address them.