STABBED IN THE BACK

@ClimateElephant If I win you have a standing invitation to come to meet with me in Parliament House for a chat and a cuddle. JG #ausvotesless than a minute ago via Twitter for iPhoneJulia Gillard
JuliaGillard

I'm as shocked to read that as you are, I'm sure.

Honestly, I thought she was keeping silent on the Dugong issue to avoid problems like the ones @TurnbullMalcolm encountered when he dared to give an honest opinion about squirrels. At the very least, I thought she'd try to maintain impartiality given her position, and here she is consorting with an Elephant. Shocking.

Mind you, it's not the climate change message I'm opposed to. I'd be right there giving them my full support if they had gone with a climate change Wallaby.

No, I'm upset that this message is being relayed by an lephant, some of the most notorious scolds imaginable. It's true, they never forget, and they never let you forget, either. Did something silly once upon a time, when you were having a night out with the lads? Maybe you'd forgotten about it, but there's always an Elephant lurking around the corner, just waiting for a chance to remind you.

A PEOPLE'S POLITICIAN

@RacistWallaby well in that case I don't like squirrels!less than a minute ago via Twitter for BlackBerry®Malcolm Turnbull
TurnbullMalcolm

That's the kind of clear thinking I like to see in government!

True, he later issued an apology after he was pressured by vocal pro-squirrel activists, but I think we all know where his sympathies really lie.

I just regret that he ever had to apologize in the first place. I can’t help but feel partially responsible, since liberals in the Emu-controlled media were all too quick to accuse @TurnbullMalcolm of consorting with Wallaby supremacists.

BUDGIE SMUGGLERS

I might mention that some budgie-smuggling politicians are apparently too good to follow their constituents back. #disappointmentless than a minute ago via HootSuiteRacist Wallaby
RacistWallaby

Although she didn’t formally acknowledge my request, I still felt like @JuliaGillard heard it. That’s more than I can say for some other people who claim to represent the country’s best interests.

I think it’s also telling that @TonyAbbottMHR hasn’t addressed other pressing issues such as Emu plagiarism and the Quoll crimewave.

THE CAMPAIGN MARCHES ON

@RacistWallaby @MisterShuffles @JKRLMazur but will they stop the batsless than a minute ago via TweetDecktip
tip66

Naturally, all of the recent developments in the election have kept me on the edge of my seat. After careful consideration, I have decided to decline @JKRLMazur's kind offer to become PM and continue to support @MisterShuffles.

Meanwhile, @tip66 poses an interesting question, albeit a mildly confusing one. Bats? As foreign minister, my policies would be staunchly anti-wombat. And I've got my eye on those cave bats, too. And don't get me started on fruit bats!

Unless he's talking about beats. That's a different subject altogether. Honestly, I'm not really clear on how to respond.

SHUFFLES FOR PM

#FF Look, when @mistershuffles becomes Prime Minister, I think we will all agree that racism in this country is over.less than a minute ago via HootSuiteRacist Wallaby
RacistWallaby

Shuffles for PM! That’s my opinion, if you were wondering.

Incidentally, I am shocked and disappointed to hear the rumours that I am only endorsing @MisterShuffles because my position as foreign minister in his cabinet would give me sweeping powers to crack down on Gibbons and other undesirables.

So shocked, in fact, that I shall decline to address them.