CONFUSION

@iamtheoracle twatterers. i block people all the time. i check their feeds, if they look like twats, i block.less than a minute ago via TweetDeckKimberley Ramplin
Kimbo_Ramplin

@ben_hr @BiteTheDust I admit to also blocking those accounts like the teeth whitening, or the promos where it's just a tweetstream.less than a minute ago via TweetDeckaptronym
aptronym

This can't be right.

It turns out that I'm blocked by both @Kimbo_Ramplin and @aptronym. Either there has been some kind of mistake, or...

OR THEY'RE RACIST AGAINST WALLABIES.

FOR THEIR OWN GOOD

ping @RacistWallaby RT @andyblume: LOL of the day: http://bit.ly/9ZdKjAless than a minute ago via Osfoora for iPhoneEvan Exsuburbia
Captainsuburbia

When will the authorities realize that tougher legislation is needed to keep Emus in line? I'm not biased against Emus, but they need stronger laws in place for their own protection.

Look at what happens when they're allowed out unsupervised.

A rampant emu chased children and reportedly reached speeds of 30kmh after it escaped from a farm in the Marlborough Sounds on Saturday.

You read that right, it was rampant. Rampant!

You might be inclined to dismiss the report as another "errant livestock causes fuss" article, but ask yourself why it was running so fast. The answer? Drugs, obviously.

Unsupervised Emus have proven time and time again that when left to their own devices, they engage in risky behaviour like recreational drug use, and I'm not even going to mention the carnal designs it most likely had in mind when it started running after those children.

They just can't be trusted. Something should be done.

PLAGUE

Locust plagues could cost Australia billions http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2010/09/02/3000537.htm @abcnews #locustsless than a minute ago via webLisa Wheildon
lisawheildon

Yes, the possibility of plague locusts decimating crops is a grave concern. However, is this threat really that much different from the rapacious freeloaders that already threaten—on a daily basis—to milk welfare benefits until the teat runs dry?

The only difference between Locusts and Numbats on the dole is that Locusts have the decency not to send government thugs to seize your property before they squander it. I actually respect Locusts in that sense, for taking the initiative to go out and grab what they want instead of waiting for some officious bureaucrat to hand it to them. It doesn't require the establishment of new federal agencies and there's no need to commission a number of pointless studies into whether you should be forced to hand over 90% or 95% of the pay earned by your own hard labour.

Yes, it's a bad time to be a farmer, but let's not lose sight of the greater issues.

JUST RUMOURS

For the LAST TIME, I am NOT involved with any sort of Wallaby Supremacist Movement. #vicious #rumoursless than a minute ago via HootSuiteRacist Wallaby
RacistWallaby

A word to the wise: old photos, no matter how innocent or harmless they seemed at the time, can come back to haunt you at any moment.

Yes, I expressed support for One Wallaby Australia in my youth. No, it was not because of their more extremist policies.

I just thought they had a catchy slogan.

SHUFFLES FOR PM

#FF Look, when @mistershuffles becomes Prime Minister, I think we will all agree that racism in this country is over.less than a minute ago via HootSuiteRacist Wallaby
RacistWallaby

Shuffles for PM! That’s my opinion, if you were wondering.

Incidentally, I am shocked and disappointed to hear the rumours that I am only endorsing @MisterShuffles because my position as foreign minister in his cabinet would give me sweeping powers to crack down on Gibbons and other undesirables.

So shocked, in fact, that I shall decline to address them.