FOXES

Law enforcement authorities have long known that where a den of Foxes is to be found, a meth lab can't be far behind.

In addition to seeing elevated rates of burglaries, robberies, and sexual assault, neighbourhoods hosting a new family of these furred vermin have to deal with unsightly piles of rubbish and music blasting at all hours.

The Vulpesian menace is most keenly felt by pharmacies, who regularly face petty thefts, con jobs, and outright assaults in order to secure the cold medicine needed to supply the Foxes' drug manufacturing labs.

The only thing sadder than the damage they can do is the pitiful state of a Fox who has gone into withdrawal. Here's one who has forlornly returned to a meth lab that was recently shut down by police, desperate for any sort of fix:

TEASE

Cats in prison. Amazing. http://bit.ly/bxiilG (via @duncangeere)less than a minute ago via TweetDeckTom Royal
tomroyal

Such a swirl of emotions surrounding this story: Elation, disappointment, resignation.

Like me, I'm sure you got very excited to hear that the justice system has finally decided to put a stop to the lawless hordes of rampaging cats that have held society hostage for too long.

That excitement quickly gives way to disappointment once you realize that it's not about cats who are serving sentences in prison, it's about cats who are keeping inmates company.

That's right, cats will continue to enjoy their immunity from criminal prosecution, but even if they did start getting equal treatment in the eyes of the law, would it really make a difference?

Science has proven that cats completely lack anything resembling empathy, and even the incarceration of their peers would not serve as a deterrent or "scare them straight." We would just be housing and feeding them at the taxpayer's expense (not that different from current arrangements, except the burden of upkeep is shifted from one individual to society as a whole).

No, there's only one way to deal with criminal felines.

Deportation.

VALUE

Property Prices in Perth fall - and more reductions in property values are predicted.... http://fb.me/O3mtjj0Vless than a minute ago via Facebookabcmidwestwa
abcmidwestwa

There's a lot of rubbish speculation about what's happening in Perth's property market.

Perth's median house price fell five per cent in seasonally adjusted terms to $480,000 in September.

The fall makes Perth the country's weakest performing capital city market.

People are spouting all sorts of mumbo jumbo about uncertainty over the mining tax, cautious first-time home buyers, and "market corrections" causing the decline, but you know what the real cause is?

Numbats.

Once Numbats moved into the neighbourhood, everything went downhill. Crime rates soared--with a marked increase in incidents of vandalism--and previously honest, respectable neighbourhoods were overrun with drug use, loud music, and kids refusing to respect their elders.

Say what you want about investors waiting to see if the market softens further, but if potential buyers drive into a neighbourhood and see Numbats leaving their washing out to dry in full public view, letting their children run amok to scatter toys across the front lawns, and loitering in the streets, they'll keep on driving.

Am I wrong about this? Maybe it's just me, but I can't imagine anyone having a worse effect on property values than Numbats.