CROCODILE TEARS

@RacistWallaby hope your rellies are okay, saw this in the west! http://plixi.com/p/88037811less than a minute ago via EchofonLord Percy Percy
MyLordPercy

Rubbish!

Any time you see Crocs "circling," they're just queuing up to beg for change and spin a sob story about how they lost their job, their house, or their family for some made-up reason that ISN'T their own laziness and incompetence. They lose interest quick enough if they think there's an unattended purse or an abandoned stubby to be nicked.

I know for a fact that the wallaby in that photo distracted them by shouting, "Look, over there! Did someone lose a slab?" Not only was he able to get away, but he got himself a souvenir, as well.

So, look for the Wallabies out that way to be sporting new belts, boots, and handbags in the near future.

NOW ACCEPTING CASH OR CHEQUE

It's never too late to cash in on the dot com craze, I say!

After having a look around the website for incubator incubator, I've decided to launch my own technology startup.

It's going to be called MIRacist? (pronounced M-I-Racist), and here's what I put on the application form:

MIRacist? harnesses the inherent synergy in peer-to-peer networking and crowdsourcing to leverage user-generated content for a new internet 2.0 paradigm.

Users can visit MIRacist to upload their contact lists from popular applications and social networking sites like LinkedIn, Facebook, and Twitter. In addition to storing these contact lists in order to generate our own mailing lists for announcing exciting site upgrades and special offers, the site will tell them whether they are racist based on the people they associate with.

You know, like a hotornot.com for racists.

(Regardless of whether or not I hear back from them, I'm now seeking venture capital and looking for a few Crocodile boffins who can make the whole thing work. Get in on the ground floor!)

POPULARITY

Bought a deodorant stick. The instructions said to remove top and push up bottom. Can't walk very well but my farts smell lovely!less than a minute ago via Twitter for iPhoneJohn Gallagher
fulhamgagsy

You know you've made it big time when your tweet gets recycled again

I bought a deodorant stick today, the instructions said "remove top and push up bottom".

I can't walk very well but my farts smell nice.less than a minute ago via TwitBirdTyrell Beckham
tizforever

and again

I got a new stick deodorant today. The instructions said remove cap and push up bottom. I can hardly walk but my farts smell awesomeless than a minute ago via webDave Baldwin
dbalders

and again

I got a new stick deodorant today. The instructions said remove cap and push up bottom. I can hardly walk but my farts smell awesome.less than a minute ago via TweetDeckLee Searles
LJSearles

and again.

I got a new stick of deodorant today. The instructions said remove cap and push up bottom. I can hardly walk but my farts smell awesome...less than a minute ago via webMaxx Hendriks
maxxhendriks

I can't really tell why this idea is so popular. I mean, it's the kind of blatant disregard for personal hygiene shown by most Kookaburras, but it's also the crude toilet humor so beloved by Crocodiles. Ultimately, I'm wondering if it's just a bunch of Kangaroos who think they're being helpful by sharing personal grooming tips. At least it's a helpful list of accounts to block, I reckon. Did I miss anyone?

A LIKELY STORY

Sure it wasn't an auto-erotic asphyxiation accident? #YouKnowHowTheyAre RT @andrewbolt A crocodile head in my bed. Bob Katter's calling cardless than a minute ago via webRacist Wallaby
RacistWallaby

Here's the thing: Bolt may think it was Katter, but he's ignoring the crocodile's more unsavoury proclivities.

I'm not accusing anyone of anything, I'm just saying that it wouldn't have been the first crocodile to have been killed in an unfortunate auto-erotic asphyxiation accident.

The fact that it was his bed implicates Mr. Bolt in no way, either. It's widely known that crocs enjoy a bit of bawdy horseplay more if they're somewhere that they can get caught.

TOO MUCH MEDIA SENSITIVITY

The news never mentions the race of suspects in their crime reporting, but I know they're talking about Crocodiles. #youknowitstrueless than a minute ago via HootSuiteRacist Wallaby
RacistWallaby

Why do the news shows have to be so timid? We all know that Crocodiles were responsible. Can't you just come right out and say it?