INDISTIGUISHABLE

Generally, I don't follow developments in the wine world — I'm not one of those Pademelon wine snobs who fusses over the cork — but I'm troubled by allegations raised in some row between U.S. and Australian wine companies:

The Wine Group of San Francisco caused uproar by releasing a Little Roo label which is strikingly similar to Casella Wines' Yellow Tail, featuring a wallaby. [...] Wallabies, Casella Wines contends, are "indistinguishable to most people" from kangaroos.

Indistinguishable?

What's not to distinguish? The Wallaby's regal bearing? Its grace? Its regard for personal hygiene? (To be an accurate representation, I would imagine that the Kangaroo picture is accompanied by a cloud of buzzing flies, and possibly a few stench lines to drive the point home.)

Do you honestly expect me to believe that people can't tell that — unlike the Kangaroo — the Wallaby is NOT hopping out of the gutter on his way to the bottle shop for another day of drinking away his government assistance cheque?

It's the simplest thing in the world to tell the two creatures apart. One is a quiet, respectful marsupial, and the other resorts to violence at the first opportunity.

I don't know which I would find more offensive, that Casella is assuming that the public at large is as ignorant and inattentive to detail as they are, or that the general public could harbour such a shameful lack of awareness.

FUTILITY

Trying to explain to Lil that 'numbat' and 'wombat' are different words and different animals...less than a minute ago via Twitter for iPhoneKate
thepurple8

Talk about a thankless job! Sure, you could explain how Wombats and Numbats are different, but it's not like you can trust either of them with your car keys.

Fine, the two have different diets. Well, I can tell you firsthand that they have similar appetites for malt liquor and methamphetamines!

The only real difference is that the nocturnal one breaks into your house while you're asleep, and the diurnal one waits until you've left for work.

So you could explain that they're separate animals, but why bother? Once you're done, can you really say you've made the world a better place?

CONFRONTATION

Confrontation is the key to keeping things in order!(Remember) You can't fix what you wont confrontless than a minute ago via Mobile WebRev Run
RevRunWisdom

On the face of it, I agree with this idea. It certainly would do a world of good if Koalas were willing to confront the fact that they are never going to make an honest living until they put down the eucalyptus and do some real work for a change.

The problem is that there are some situations in which confrontation is ill-advised. For example, I grew tired of the mountains of discarded Westerfields and shoals of broken Mayfair bottles that had become an eyesore and a public health hazard in my neighbourhood, and confronted the Kangaroos responsible.

The results were less than productive. I'm still too traumatised to go into specifics, but @Brappy found this video that shows you just how readily those brutes will resort to violence:



So, I'd agree completely with @RevRunWisdom if he amends his statement to read:

"Confrontation is the key to keeping things in order! Unless you're dealing with Kangaroos, Wombats, Bandicoots, or other thugs who disdain common courtesy and refuse to listen to anyone they can intimidate."

However, I recognize that Twitter makes it impossible to squeeze that many characters into a post.

IRISH OUTRAGE

First, I'm in a state over the way that the Irish press favours lurid headlines over actual fact-based reporting, as is evident from their coverage of the "Wallaby Dies After Being Plied with Ecstasy and Drink at Birthday Disco" story:

"Orla Aungier, [Dublin Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals] DSPCA operations manager, said the marsupial was more likely a wallaby than a small kangaroo, because they are easier to buy in Ireland.

'At some point during the party, what we believe to be a wallaby was brought on to the dance floor and it was being handled as Skippy The Bush Kangaroo was played loud as the back track,' she said."

The whole thing is a tangled mess of allegations and scandal leaving me unsure of what to think, since all the Garda have to go on at the moment is some CCTV footage and a Facebook video—no body, and no evidence of drug abuse beyond some unidentified witness accounts that sound more like rumour. Although they have made great strides in eradicating racism in that country, it becomes a bit of a thorny problem when race is actually a relevant issue.

Maybe it was a Kangaroo after all. This kind of irresponsible carousing and drug-related overdosing is exactly what I'd expect from one of them.

What makes my blood run cold is the possibility that it was actually a Wallaby involved. Having a drink or two with your new marsupial friend is one thing, but manhandling him to the tune of "Skippy the Bush Kangaroo"? That's monstrous, and inhuman. That's the real issue here: not drugs, not alcohol, but the wilful and negligent emotional damage inflicted on this innocent Wallaby by deliberately drawing the comparison with a Kangaroo.

If this was indeed a Wallaby at the disco, I'm sure that everyone will agree with me when I say that the Garda need to use the video evidence in their possession to track down the responsible parties and prosecute them to the fullest extent of the law. Honestly, I'd turn a blind eye if they chose to take things a few metres beyond the law, if you follow me.

If it was a Kangaroo—well, this is the part where I'm supposed to say that we should pray it gets the kind of substance abuse intervention that it needs to become a productive member of society once again, but we all know that some of society's basest elements are beyond help.

MISGUIDED

NZ Study: bells on cat collars could save half the wild birds: http://bit.ly/9LkGxrless than a minute ago via CoTweetNational Wildlife
NWF

The half not drinking themselves to death, apparently. Why do they insist on curtailing the freedoms enjoyed by cats when they need to address the larger problem stemming from the birds themselves?

If they were really serious about saving wild birds, they'd enact tougher laws about public drunkenness and restrict access to establishments where alcohol is served.

NOT ANTI-JAPANESE

@JC_Andrews Mention how the Bandicoots spied for the Japanese in exchange for all the rice wine they could drink (tonnes)less than a minute ago via webRacist Wallaby
RacistWallaby

Some people have questioned my specific mention of "rice wine" in this statement as derogatory, but it's entirely defensible.

After all, if you're an alcoholic who is looking to be paid in booze, what would you expect to get from the Land of the Rising Sun? Not vodka, ouzo, or shandies, certainly.

IT'S HELL BEING MEL

#FF: Done watching Lethal Weapon 2. I wonder if @angrytrvlgurl can help me plan a holiday trip to South Africa? #ILove #MelGibsonless than a minute ago via HootSuiteRacist Wallaby
RacistWallaby

Mel Gibson has such dramatic range! And that voice! I think I could just listen to him talk about anything, for hours at a time.