EXAGGERATION

'The Emu War, also known as the Great Emu War' - nice try, dudes.less than a minute ago via web   Favorite | Retweet | Replydavid finig
davidfinig

Bloody Emus. They can be such drama queens. The so-called "Emu War" was just two lads arguing over footy scores.

When they injure themselves, it's not a paper cut, it's a "serious laceration that needs emergency medical attention."

If you're having a laugh while they're droning away at one of their speeches, it's not a rude noise, it's a "grotesque display of indecency that has completely undermined the solemnity of the event."

And God forbid you ever tap one accidentally during an inattentive moment behind the wheel.

Incidentally, can anyone recommend a good attorney? Not for anything major, just some rubbish about reckless endangerment, operating a vehicle with a suspended licence, and wilful damage to property. I'm sure the "attempted murder" business is a complete misunderstanding.

SETTING THE RECORD STRAIGHT

I worry that it is the Wallabies who will "enforce" the law. Macropods are well known for accepting kick-backs!less than a minute ago via webarchiearchive
archiearchive

I am OUTRAGED at your suggestion that I'd accept bribes like a common Dingo. It's all "charitable donations."less than a minute ago via HootSuiteRacist Wallaby
RacistWallaby

Wallabies have never sunk to dingo tactics of mugging you use skill, slight of hand, hypnotics and charity tinsless than a minute ago via EchofonCatherine Stephenson
flowermonkey

My question has always been "Which agency approved "The Wallaby Early Retirement Fund" as a charity?less than a minute ago via webarchiearchive
archiearchive

Well, the retirement fund is actually an old money laundering scam. The wallibies take a % of the 'donations'!less than a minute ago via EchofonCatherine Stephenson
flowermonkey

That has happened since time immemorial. What has changed is that they now take over 90%!less than a minute ago via webarchiearchive
archiearchive

Hmm there is the wallaby red-cross and several other agencies that do only charitable duties. They reformedless than a minute ago via EchofonCatherine Stephenson
flowermonkey

The Wallaby Red Cross is one of those charity fronts!less than a minute ago via webarchiearchive
archiearchive

To set the record straight, the Wallaby Red Cross and the Wallaby Retirement Fund are both fine charitable institutions that deserve as much as you can spare. In fact, I've half a mind to put up contribution buttons for them on this blog!

In the meantime, you may have noticed the unfair treatment I have received in the press lately, all because some disgruntled Koala has stolen some photos of a rather personal nature and has been using them in a vindictive smear campaign as some sort of misguided attempt at payback for offences that were ENTIRELY IMAGINED.

I can assure you that I am the victim in this circumstance, regardless of any rumours you may hear to the contrary involving underage pregnancies and the assault of a Koala while under the influence of intoxicating substances. Even if these rubbish allegations were true, you must realise that the Koala was asking for it.

NOT LIKE THIS

@RacistWallaby At least the good doctors believe you have the X factor.less than a minute ago via TweetDeckCaptain Howdy
HamburgerMartyr

You know what I'm sick of? Those rubbish monotremes and their constant "oooh, we lay eggs, we're special, SQUANDER GOVERNMENT FUNDS STUDYING US" nonsense.

I used to think it was the worst thing imaginable, seeing them hijack the scientific process and waste valuable time researching what amounts to little more than party trivia. There's so much more to be learned about Wallabies!

I used to pray that just one scientist, just one research study would turn the tide and start to give Wallabies the attention they deserve. I thought that would fix things.

I was very, very wrong.

CONFUSION

@iamtheoracle twatterers. i block people all the time. i check their feeds, if they look like twats, i block.less than a minute ago via TweetDeckKimberley Ramplin
Kimbo_Ramplin

@ben_hr @BiteTheDust I admit to also blocking those accounts like the teeth whitening, or the promos where it's just a tweetstream.less than a minute ago via TweetDeckaptronym
aptronym

This can't be right.

It turns out that I'm blocked by both @Kimbo_Ramplin and @aptronym. Either there has been some kind of mistake, or...

OR THEY'RE RACIST AGAINST WALLABIES.

BLAMELESS

WHERE WAS @racistwallaby? RT @abcnews: Fireworks taped to echidna http://bit.ly/b0jIO2less than a minute ago via webEvan Exsuburbia
Captainsuburbia

I resent the insinuation that I was somehow involved in this senseless act of destruction. What's even more galling is the way people are assuming that the Echidna had nothing to do with it! I can think of at least three scenarios in which the Echidna brought it upon himself, either through his own actions or through criminal associations.

Gang violence: Echidna-on-Echidna violence is on the upswing in New South Wales, as gangs increasing their influence across the country are clashing repeatedly in an escalating series of turf wars. It could have been a group trying to "send a message" to their rivals.

Extremist terror plot: Echidnas are known radicals. It's entirely possible that this Echidna was out to martyr himself to promote his agenda of fear and intolerance.

Stunt gone wrong: There is nothing that an echidna will not do in pursuit of fame, and reality television has only egged them on to more outrageous and dangerous stunts than ever before. I wouldn't be surprised to learn that this was a desperate but misguided bid for his own show.

Make no mistake, animal abuse is serious business, but can we really be sure that justice has been done here?

NOT A PUNCHLINE

They can, they just want your help so they can nick your wallet while you're distracted @Captainsuburbia why can't wombats cross the road?less than a minute ago via webRacist Wallaby
RacistWallaby

@Captainsuburbia has noticed one of the more heartrending aspects of the Wombat lifestyle. They’re all addicted to drugs, and feed their addiction by stealing from kind — but inattentive — passers-by.

The tragic part of the cycle comes when they eventually lose control and succumb to a lethal overdose; then their comrades display the bodies by the roadside to make it look like a traffic accident, effectively shaming more motorists into stopping to offer “assistance.”

The next time you stop to help a Wombat cross the road, check to see if his pupils are dilated first.

JUST RUMOURS

For the LAST TIME, I am NOT involved with any sort of Wallaby Supremacist Movement. #vicious #rumoursless than a minute ago via HootSuiteRacist Wallaby
RacistWallaby

A word to the wise: old photos, no matter how innocent or harmless they seemed at the time, can come back to haunt you at any moment.

Yes, I expressed support for One Wallaby Australia in my youth. No, it was not because of their more extremist policies.

I just thought they had a catchy slogan.

IT'S HELL BEING MEL

#FF: Done watching Lethal Weapon 2. I wonder if @angrytrvlgurl can help me plan a holiday trip to South Africa? #ILove #MelGibsonless than a minute ago via HootSuiteRacist Wallaby
RacistWallaby

Mel Gibson has such dramatic range! And that voice! I think I could just listen to him talk about anything, for hours at a time.

A MISUNDERSTANDING

Yes, I rang the police. When you see a Wombat carrying posh electronics around, who wouldn't think they were stolen? #understandablemistakeless than a minute ago via webRacist Wallaby
RacistWallaby

Look, I didn't know that Steve was new to the neighbourhood. I'm sure that in time, he'll come to appreciate the fact that I'm only looking out for his best interests as a resident.