TOLERABLE

@RacistWallaby So what is the race that you can tolerate the most? Who causes you the least consternation?less than a minute ago via web Favorite Retweet ReplyDavid Houghton
turb05

Wallabies, obviously.

Of course, you might hear a load of rubbish from some people who would suggest that I have an unhealthy fascination with Kangaroos, but it's a complete fabrication.

I think it's a misunderstanding based on one time last year when my account was hacked. I certainly don't visit Kangaroo-themed websites or place personals ads in the newspapers looking for anonymous Kangaroo hookups.

I don't do anything like that at all.

REJOICE

The Mouse caught in trap was singing reggae and on closer inspection wearing a headscarf. Sorry kids, I think Rastamouse is dead.less than a minute ago via webmcckate
mcckate

Good riddance to bad rubbish, I say!

Mice like that are a terrible influence on impressionable young Joeys. Their hideous music, appalling personal hygiene, and recreational drug use set exactly the wrong sort of example. The sooner you're rid of them, the better.

Of course, mice are also notorious for merely overdoing it and ending up in a near-catatonic stupor for days at a time. I'd hold off on the rejoicing until you're sure he's really dead, or else you'll think later that you're being visited by a tiny zombie with a ferocious case of "the munchies."

INDISTIGUISHABLE

Generally, I don't follow developments in the wine world — I'm not one of those Pademelon wine snobs who fusses over the cork — but I'm troubled by allegations raised in some row between U.S. and Australian wine companies:

The Wine Group of San Francisco caused uproar by releasing a Little Roo label which is strikingly similar to Casella Wines' Yellow Tail, featuring a wallaby. [...] Wallabies, Casella Wines contends, are "indistinguishable to most people" from kangaroos.

Indistinguishable?

What's not to distinguish? The Wallaby's regal bearing? Its grace? Its regard for personal hygiene? (To be an accurate representation, I would imagine that the Kangaroo picture is accompanied by a cloud of buzzing flies, and possibly a few stench lines to drive the point home.)

Do you honestly expect me to believe that people can't tell that — unlike the Kangaroo — the Wallaby is NOT hopping out of the gutter on his way to the bottle shop for another day of drinking away his government assistance cheque?

It's the simplest thing in the world to tell the two creatures apart. One is a quiet, respectful marsupial, and the other resorts to violence at the first opportunity.

I don't know which I would find more offensive, that Casella is assuming that the public at large is as ignorant and inattentive to detail as they are, or that the general public could harbour such a shameful lack of awareness.

NOT GUILTY

Fred Nile has blamed #TCYasi and the Qld floods on the number of gay wallabies in Australia.less than a minute ago via webarchiearchive
archiearchive

Well, I certainly don't know anything about it!

I'm not sure what you've heard, but I am sick and tired of addressing these rumours.

Last Wednesday my friends Esteban, Francois, and Eduardo came over to help me move my couch. That's why there was so much grunting and heavy breathing.

And on Friday, I was doing all that moaning because I had an upset stomach after eating some bad spinach. My friend Rinaldo came over because he heard that I was unwell.

I really think it's deplorable the way some people will take the kindness of a concerned Wallaby and twist it into sordid rumours and innuendoes.

If anything, it was probably those Kangaroos. You know how they carry on in public toilets!

FUTILITY

Trying to explain to Lil that 'numbat' and 'wombat' are different words and different animals...less than a minute ago via Twitter for iPhoneKate
thepurple8

Talk about a thankless job! Sure, you could explain how Wombats and Numbats are different, but it's not like you can trust either of them with your car keys.

Fine, the two have different diets. Well, I can tell you firsthand that they have similar appetites for malt liquor and methamphetamines!

The only real difference is that the nocturnal one breaks into your house while you're asleep, and the diurnal one waits until you've left for work.

So you could explain that they're separate animals, but why bother? Once you're done, can you really say you've made the world a better place?

NOT LIKE THIS

@RacistWallaby At least the good doctors believe you have the X factor.less than a minute ago via TweetDeckCaptain Howdy
HamburgerMartyr

You know what I'm sick of? Those rubbish monotremes and their constant "oooh, we lay eggs, we're special, SQUANDER GOVERNMENT FUNDS STUDYING US" nonsense.

I used to think it was the worst thing imaginable, seeing them hijack the scientific process and waste valuable time researching what amounts to little more than party trivia. There's so much more to be learned about Wallabies!

I used to pray that just one scientist, just one research study would turn the tide and start to give Wallabies the attention they deserve. I thought that would fix things.

I was very, very wrong.

FOR THEIR OWN GOOD

ping @RacistWallaby RT @andyblume: LOL of the day: http://bit.ly/9ZdKjAless than a minute ago via Osfoora for iPhoneEvan Exsuburbia
Captainsuburbia

When will the authorities realize that tougher legislation is needed to keep Emus in line? I'm not biased against Emus, but they need stronger laws in place for their own protection.

Look at what happens when they're allowed out unsupervised.

A rampant emu chased children and reportedly reached speeds of 30kmh after it escaped from a farm in the Marlborough Sounds on Saturday.

You read that right, it was rampant. Rampant!

You might be inclined to dismiss the report as another "errant livestock causes fuss" article, but ask yourself why it was running so fast. The answer? Drugs, obviously.

Unsupervised Emus have proven time and time again that when left to their own devices, they engage in risky behaviour like recreational drug use, and I'm not even going to mention the carnal designs it most likely had in mind when it started running after those children.

They just can't be trusted. Something should be done.

APOLOGY

Where is common decency? You'd never catch Kerri-Anne Kennerley or @mirandadevine #bumpingwallabies #ozcotless than a minute ago via webRacist Wallaby
RacistWallaby

I would like to take this space to issue a formal apology to Ms. Kennerly and Ms. Devine.

I had no idea how people were using "Wallaby" as a slang term. In no way whatsoever did Ms. Kennerly's recent comments influence my thinking or choice of words.

It may have appeared that I was carrying on like a Pademelon, but nothing could have been further from the truth. Honest.

DOOMED TO REPEAT

Unwed possum mothers are RUINING THIS COUNTRY. #immoral #vermin #damnitstrueless than a minute ago via webRacist Wallaby
RacistWallaby

Look, it's a sad fact that Possums don't know any better. No one wishes more than I that they could just figure out how to keep their legs closed long enough to earn their degree, but it's not going to happen.

Then again, given what they've got for role models, I shouldn't be surprised.