Friday, December 31, 2010

CONFRONTATION

Confrontation is the key to keeping things in order!(Remember) You can't fix what you wont confrontless than a minute ago via Mobile Web


On the face of it, I agree with this idea. It certainly would do a world of good if Koalas were willing to confront the fact that they are never going to make an honest living until they put down the eucalyptus and do some real work for a change.

The problem is that there are some situations in which confrontation is ill-advised. For example, I grew tired of the mountains of discarded Westerfields and shoals of broken Mayfair bottles that had become an eyesore and a public health hazard in my neighbourhood, and confronted the Kangaroos responsible.

The results were less than productive. I'm still too traumatised to go into specifics, but @Brappy found this video that shows you just how readily those brutes will resort to violence:



So, I'd agree completely with @RevRunWisdom if he amends his statement to read:
"Confrontation is the key to keeping things in order! Unless you're dealing with Kangaroos, Wombats, Bandicoots, or other thugs who disdain common courtesy and refuse to listen to anyone they can intimidate."

However, I recognize that Twitter makes it impossible to squeeze that many characters into a post.

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

SETTING THE RECORD STRAIGHT

I worry that it is the Wallabies who will "enforce" the law. Macropods are well known for accepting kick-backs!less than a minute ago via web



I am OUTRAGED at your suggestion that I'd accept bribes like a common Dingo. It's all "charitable donations."less than a minute ago via HootSuite



Wallabies have never sunk to dingo tactics of mugging you use skill, slight of hand, hypnotics and charity tinsless than a minute ago via Echofon



My question has always been "Which agency approved "The Wallaby Early Retirement Fund" as a charity?less than a minute ago via web



Well, the retirement fund is actually an old money laundering scam. The wallibies take a % of the 'donations'!less than a minute ago via Echofon



That has happened since time immemorial. What has changed is that they now take over 90%!less than a minute ago via web



Hmm there is the wallaby red-cross and several other agencies that do only charitable duties. They reformedless than a minute ago via Echofon



The Wallaby Red Cross is one of those charity fronts!less than a minute ago via web



To set the record straight, the Wallaby Red Cross and the Wallaby Retirement Fund are both fine charitable institutions that deserve as much as you can spare. In fact, I've half a mind to put up contribution buttons for them on this blog!

In the meantime, you may have noticed the unfair treatment I have received in the press lately, all because some disgruntled Koala has stolen some photos of a rather personal nature and has been using them in a vindictive smear campaign as some sort of misguided attempt at payback for offences that were ENTIRELY IMAGINED.

I can assure you that I am the victim in this circumstance, regardless of any rumours you may hear to the contrary involving underage pregnancies and the assault of a Koala while under the influence of intoxicating substances. Even if these rubbish allegations were true, you must realise that the Koala was asking for it.

Friday, December 24, 2010

SCIENCE

Well fancy that RT @wattsupwiththat: Polar bears no longer on 'thin ice': researchers say they cld face bright future http://wp.me/p7y4l-7M9less than a minute ago via TweetDeck



Well, that's all the evidence I need. Any complaints you hear about global warming from this point on are just the discontented rumblings of Polar Bears who are just trying to play on public sympathies for cash payouts.

If you ask me, our science research dollars should be spent on important things, like finding a pouch enhancer that really works! Not like those ones that just take your money and leave you sad and disappointed!

Thursday, December 23, 2010

APPELLATION

Wallaby just told me to change it to WaLLaBy_Smoove but i aint tryna do all dat.dat nigga bugginless than a minute ago via web



That's...

That's actually quite catchy. You'd need to fix the spelling, but "Walla B. Smooth" is a pretty fantastic name (especially when you compare it to some of the nonsense clicks and whistles that most Dolphins are going by these days).

Sunday, December 19, 2010

PRETENSIONS

Ooooo,"islets of Langerhorn." Hand the pancreas its monocle! Thanks, Mr. Fancygland, for blessing the endocrine system with your presence!less than a minute ago via Twitter for iPhone


You know, this reminds me of my Platypus coworker.

Have you ever tried to have a conversation with one of those hoity-toity bastards? It always comes back to them bringing up just how special they are, like they're actively trying to find an excuse to show off.

They'll say "Can't find your pen? Why don't you locate it using your electroreceptors? Oh, sorry, you don't have electroreceptors. How rude of me to mention them," saying it with that smug little twitch of the bill that makes you want to smack them so hard that their eggs come out crooked.

And that "venom" of theirs that they always brag about. Tell me it's not dish detergent spiked with Bundaberg!

Am I the only one who has to put up with this?!

Friday, December 17, 2010

ELUSIVE?!

Camera Trap - elusive echidna's seen in Western Australia Wheatbelt... http://fb.me/QygBQhwNless than a minute ago via Facebook


This "elusive" business is a load of poo.

Every exhibitionist I've ever known has been an Echidna. There's no stopping them when a camera's about!

Elusive, my pouch. Just look at how that one's mugging for the camera. Treating this as noteworthy is absolute rubbish.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

MODESTY

The left wing bias in the #wonkleys is blatant. @andrewbolt won an award? I'll tweet my suggested winners in the next few minutes.less than a minute ago via web



#wonkleys Best Political Cartoonist - anyone but Tanberg, Leunig or that Leftist from @crikeyless than a minute ago via web



#wonkleys Best #QandA Panelist - meless than a minute ago via web



#wonkleys Best Australian Journalist on Twitter - meless than a minute ago via web



#wonkleys Best Political Journalist - me.less than a minute ago via web







#wonkleys Best hair, and special commendation for extraordinary insight and commentary on some of the most vital social issues faced by the Commonwealth of Australia today, and someone of whom I cannot speak highly enough, the esteemed @RacistWallabyless than a minute ago via web



Fine, I may have altered the text of that last one a bit, but we all know it's what he really wanted to write.