VALUE

Property Prices in Perth fall - and more reductions in property values are predicted.... http://fb.me/O3mtjj0Vless than a minute ago via Facebookabcmidwestwa
abcmidwestwa

There's a lot of rubbish speculation about what's happening in Perth's property market.

Perth's median house price fell five per cent in seasonally adjusted terms to $480,000 in September.

The fall makes Perth the country's weakest performing capital city market.

People are spouting all sorts of mumbo jumbo about uncertainty over the mining tax, cautious first-time home buyers, and "market corrections" causing the decline, but you know what the real cause is?

Numbats.

Once Numbats moved into the neighbourhood, everything went downhill. Crime rates soared--with a marked increase in incidents of vandalism--and previously honest, respectable neighbourhoods were overrun with drug use, loud music, and kids refusing to respect their elders.

Say what you want about investors waiting to see if the market softens further, but if potential buyers drive into a neighbourhood and see Numbats leaving their washing out to dry in full public view, letting their children run amok to scatter toys across the front lawns, and loitering in the streets, they'll keep on driving.

Am I wrong about this? Maybe it's just me, but I can't imagine anyone having a worse effect on property values than Numbats.

FOR THEIR OWN GOOD

ping @RacistWallaby RT @andyblume: LOL of the day: http://bit.ly/9ZdKjAless than a minute ago via Osfoora for iPhoneEvan Exsuburbia
Captainsuburbia

When will the authorities realize that tougher legislation is needed to keep Emus in line? I'm not biased against Emus, but they need stronger laws in place for their own protection.

Look at what happens when they're allowed out unsupervised.

A rampant emu chased children and reportedly reached speeds of 30kmh after it escaped from a farm in the Marlborough Sounds on Saturday.

You read that right, it was rampant. Rampant!

You might be inclined to dismiss the report as another "errant livestock causes fuss" article, but ask yourself why it was running so fast. The answer? Drugs, obviously.

Unsupervised Emus have proven time and time again that when left to their own devices, they engage in risky behaviour like recreational drug use, and I'm not even going to mention the carnal designs it most likely had in mind when it started running after those children.

They just can't be trusted. Something should be done.

GANGLAND

Sea lion found shot in head. http://bit.ly/atYqZTless than a minute ago via TweetDeckABC News
abcnews

It was only a matter of time before it came to this.

Previous coverage has already confirmed that Sea Lion gangs in New Zealand are engaging in increasingly criminal behaviour. If the government doesn't take dramatic action soon, it's going to become a lawless warzone where even the Penguins are concerned for their safety.

PROOF POSITIVE

@MisterShuffles I am going to hurt you. Bad.less than a minute ago via Seesmic DesktopTeddyFail
TeddyFail

I have long accused bears of being both violent and stupid, but I never expected to see the supporting evidence for my case presented so neatly.

Violent? I think that issuing threats via Twitter fits that description.

Stupid? You tell me if a stuffed teddy trying to pick a fight with an elephant sounds like the idea borne of a fully competent mind.

I know that some of you will attempt to argue that one stuffed bear does not represent an entire species, and of you I ask: who has stepped forward to denounce this statement?

Where are the bear spokespersons issuing apologies to @mistershuffles and denouncing TeddyFail as a dangerously unhinged psychopath?

Their silence betrays their complicity.

FLIMSY EXCUSES

[Top Story] Climate Change Blurring Definition of Native Species: As climate change alters ecosystems, scientists ... http://bit.ly/cAHD6Bless than a minute ago via twitterfeedWired Magazine
wiredmag

Freeloading squatters are using "Climate Change" as a handy excuse to laze about where they're not wanted, more like!

None of us are very happy with climate change. We're all dealing with uncomfortable temperatures and freak storms, but I'm not trying to move into their backyard, so these other species should stay the bloody hell out of mine.

And before you accuse me of being close-minded or selfish, I'd like to point out that Wired agrees with me completely:

"Each new immigrant has the potential to radically change the neighborhood — welcoming an influx of new predators and parasites, altering soil nutrients and porosity, even changing the amount of moisture and sunlight that reaches ground dwellers."_{(Slight emphasis added)}

Now, I can see where some of the Kookaburras in my neighbourhood acting like total slobs might give some people a false impression, but the fact is that we aren't looking for any newcomers, especially when they won't respect the character of the place we've worked so hard to develop.

The last thing we need is an influx of Bison with their gang violence, Pandas and their drug culture, or Polar Bears and their reckless, inattentive driving. I'm sure @Ern Malley's Cat will agree with me when I say emphatically:

"Shove off and find someplace else. We were here first."

SEA-WOLVES AMONG THE SHEEP

Oh, those adorable little whales have decided to have a bit of a frolic in Sydney harbour?

Will Ford from Whale Watch Sydney said it was "very, very unusual" for whales to come so far into the harbour. [....]

"They were pretty relaxed and looked to be having a good time ... and it really is rare.

Rubbish! I'll tell you why they were having a good time: Their mates were robbing you blind!

It's a little thing called misdirection, have you heard of it? While you're standing around slack-jawed and pointing at those whales and their antics, accomplices have broken into your homes, your cars, and looted your unattended handbags.

Not so great now, is it?

SUPERNATURAL

It's just like those horses to take a story about the time they were too lazy to do their jobs properly and craft it into a legend. Have a look at The Legend of Macha:

This legend consists of a woman of unknown origin, most likely divine, who marries a widower, Crunniuc. She is a skilled runner, and her husband brags to the king, Conchobor, that she can outrun his horses.

Irritated by his boasting, the king forces Macha to race his horses, even though she is very pregnant, close to giving birth. She pleads for a postponement of the bet, but the king will not concede. She races and ends up outrunning the king's horses.

These horses were responsible for pulling the king's chariot. There's a job that could have been done by any number of suitable quadrupeds — bears, sheep, even some especially determined hedgehogs — and instead it goes to horses, because of patronage and racial bias. I reckon they got the job because their fathers were horses.

And do those horses actually use this opportunity to earn an honest living? No. They bludge about while some banged-up sheila carrying twins shames them in a humiliating public defeat.

After a spectacle like that, only horses would have the gall to mosey back to the king's stables and live out the rest of their lives gorging themselves at the government's trough. It wasn't their fault, see? It was magic what did them in.